My fat-to-healthy journey

For being that person who was literally called "air" by many during my gawky teenage years and fitting into almost any type of dress - being 'mocked'  (yes, mocked) as fat is difficult. It was difficult to a point where it almost led me to depression. I come from a typical south-Indian-rice-eating family. My breakfast was loaded with carbs, and so was my lunch and dinner. However, there was seldom a moment when I stuffed food in my tummy. They called me poor eater. I always had small-sized meals and was happy binging on the occasional sweets and home-made snacks for festivals. Everything was almost normal until I was in school. When I joined college, I slowly started to see changes in my weight. I was becoming chubby. Later, I had issues with my periods. I went to a doctor for a check-up and she told me that I had PCOS. She warned me that this will lead me to weight gain, which means I have to keep a check on what I eat. However, I never focused. I was happy following the same diet over the years. I used to join the gym if I crossed the 60kg mark. Back then, I never put in too much effort. I used to walk on the treadmill, EFX or cycle – of course, with no effort whatsoever. It was always the hour-count. If I worked out for an hour, it simply meant that I was good. I expected results in a month's span. Later, I eventually lost interest.

Then I moved to Bangalore to start my glorious career as a Journalist. The place where I used to stay, and my office, didn't have a direct bus. I had to reach Sivaji Nagar Bus Stand to take another bus to MG Road. Mornings, I used to take two buses to reach office. In the evenings, I liked to walk till Sivaji Nagar bus stop with my iPod on. At this stage, I had already piled on some kilos owing to new-place-new-restaurant-joints-happiness. I was having almost anything people recommended. Being born in a vegetarian family, I started my ‘trials’ with Chicken. I still remember how I used to have cream bun and bun omelet almost every single day. We moved to a new office in Richmond Road. I had friends who introduced me to pork and beef. There were a couple of kaati roll joints in that locality. That was my evening snack. I was almost 66 kg around this time. I looked fat. This is it. I joined the gym.

It was around the same time, I moved to another publication that had its office in Church Street, MG Road. This particular high-profile locality had many restaurants, pubs and small-eats, where I was spoilt for choices. Of the numerous biriyanis, chicken roll, beers and pani puris - Sharanya was now a person who couldn't be recognized. I was a whopping 74 kgs at this point. I avoided taking pictures with people just so that I don’t see my fat self. All the images were merely cropped to my face that saved me from a bigger embarrassment. My go-to outfit was jeans paired with a loose kurta/top, which I thought would work well for my body type. I never cared if dresses that I liked didn’t fit me. I eventually found clothes for my size – which was XL at this point.

Simultaneously, my family was on the lookout for a groom. I had gotten over my ex-boyfriend successfully after years of trying to fix the relationship. Though I tried to negotiate some more time with them, it never worked out. I was searching for boys on matrimony sites with the help of my sister. Whosoever profile I liked, I somehow never got the same response from them. There was one particular dude, who got all excited after knowing that I was a journalist. He wanted to meet me. I went ahead to meet him. But he saw me… he was evidently disappointed after seeing my size. He went on to humiliate me so much that he was actually trying to sell a diet plan to me. With much disappointment, I went back to square one.   

My periods went for a toss. I almost never had a period for several months and took pills to regularize it. One day, when I went shopping with my sister, I checked out this store that had lovely anarkali salwar collection. I wanted to try one and see how it looks on me. I opened the door of the store and asked him for the price of one. He said, “Looking for you?” I said, “Yes” and he immediately shot back saying, “We don’t have clothes for your size.” I was almost in tears. No, I didn’t mean to say that he hurt me. But all the people who commented on my ‘size’ just blew me up after this ‘straight’ comment.

I went back to the gym, spoke to my trainer, and began working out seriously. It was at a party when I met this socialite, who was once chubby, looking all fit. I spoke to her and she introduced me to her dietician. I met Swati (my dietician) and told her a list of all the things I eat. She charted a diet plan based on my eating habits. Two days later, after shopping for the list of things she had prescribed, I began my weight-loss journey.

When people ask me if I am on diet, they think I starve. But the people who actually sat next to me in office knew the number of dabbas that I brought to work. I had short meals every two hours. I would be lying if I said I enjoyed it. From changing my high-on-carb breakfast to cutting down on the junk food – everything went for a change. I actually understood the statement ‘weight loss involves a lifestyle change’. But I was never on a soup/salad diet even for a day. Every week Swati would ask me to check my weight and tell me how much I weighed. I also began changing my workout routine. I quit all the walking-on-treadmill mindlessly and began running. I tried. I push my limit by the minute. I quit that gym and moved to a new gym where my trainer Sunil was working. He had no mercy. When I whine, he would ask me, “You want to lose weight, na?” It was hard, but it felt good. 

What’s a diet without some temptation? I got to go to all the five-star hotels for event coverage, team lunches and was exposed to the best of varieties. I chose the healthy ones available. When people said I inspire them, I felt proud. I continued my regime for six months. I lost around 14 kgs. I was 60. I went back to normal diet, of course, with a list of dos and don’ts. I increased my workout and lost four more kgs by February 2014. I was weighing 56, which eventually means I lost 18 kilos in total.

Friends, family and who ever I met were stunned. Sunil wanted a picture of ‘Before and After’ for his gym … ha ha ha! Midway through my weight-loss, my dad uploaded a new picture on the site and I got some proposals. Compliments, compliments and more compliments are still on my way.

I couldn’t have done it without my sister, who cooked every single meal for me.

I couldn’t have done it without Swati, who charted out a plan.

I couldn’t have done it without Sunil, who didn’t charge an extra penny for customizing my workout and helped me reach where I am.

I couldn’t have done it without the encouragement from my friends and family.

Lastly, I couldn’t have done if I didn’t want it. If everyone was by my side, it was because I was determined, motivated and had all it took to reach this point. 

I found someone outside matrimony… fell in love… and got married. He, unlike the dude who humiliated me, accepts the way I look. He knows to see the prettier side minus the size. I put on three kilos now. But it is OK. When I look back, I realized that girls undergo so much pressure to look in a certain way. The society pushes you. How many of you all say, “She is a pretty girl.” Instead of “Even though she is fat, she is pretty.” This is just an example. But we go on to judge people based on their weight. We judge them on the number that shows on the weighing scale. That doesn’t define who you are. 

Even though I swing through having a bit of rice, healthy meal and a little bit of junk occasionally, I have realized that I need to be fit and feel fit from within. I still have some weight around my waist, love handles and some on my thighs. But I am not trying to be a model aiming for flash-board abs. I just want to be within the ideal weight zone, keep my BMI intact, get my periods on time and feel alive. I look healthy now.  I have learnt to accept the metabolism of my body. Of course, I cringe, cry, and whine…when people eat normally. I am forever on a diet, looking for healthy options and rarely indulge on unhealthy snack. I also snap, be the ‘mean me’ when people comment about my body unnecessarily. But in this whole exercise, I realized that it is not just about determination, motivation and hard work. You also need to work on it emotionally. Though I don’t want to get too preachy, I want people to be kind when they make remarks like, “You have put on a lot of weight or Look how much is she eating.” This doesn’t mean that you encourage chubby women to go on an eating spree. You can instead encourage (if you are close to them otherwise zip your fucking mouth) them to be healthy. 

But no matter how much weight I lose, how much I weigh, I will always be a fat girl in my head. I will continue to work on this – because I can. I will.